An old face
by mad4tv
Summary: Set around the 3rd/4th January 2014 (so the rape hasn't happened yet nor does The Hutch exist). A familiar face returns to the Deli, but will it be good or bad? Nothing belongs to me (except the plot); everything belongs to Hollyoaks, and there are direct quotes and references to the show itself.
1. Chapter 1

_Set around the 3__rd__/4__th__ January 2014 (so the rape hasn't happened yet nor does The Hutch exist). A familiar face returns to the Deli, but will it be good or bad? Nothing belongs to me (except the plot); everything belongs to Hollyoaks, and there are direct quotes and references to the show itself._

**Chapter 1**

Ste stood behind the cash register alone. Again. For the last nearly three months he had stood in that spot in silence, ever since his husband, Doug, died last October. He missed him. He missed everything about him: his beautiful blue eyes which he could stare at for hours on end, his gorgeous smile that lit up the room whenever he grinned or laughed. And that laugh. Ste once even considered recording him laughing and using it as his ringtone. Unfortunately he never got the chance. One of the things he missed most about him, though, was his love. Doug truly loved Ste, even a blind person could see that, and Ste loved him too, though he didn't fully appreciate it until it was too late. Doug gave him security; he always felt safe when he was around. He also gave him the Deli: Carter and Hay. If it wasn't for Doug, Ste would have only been able to dream about owning a business, but Doug was there, supporting him and encouraging him to keep trying; they had to prove to people that they could succeed, even if the odds were stacked against them. The odds were certainly stacked against them the night of their leaving party that fateful October evening.

So Ste stood in silence. He missed having someone to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with or even to argue with. God, their arguments; he never thought he would miss arguing so much. Sometimes they were serious, like when Doug confronted Ste about his feelings for Brendan after Ste refused to move to America with him. But sometimes their arguments were really trivial such as which filling tasted better with which bread. Ste chuckled to himself at that memory, since it turned into an argument about which filling tasted better on their skin… Ste shook his head at that memory, at the memory of touching Doug's soft, delicate skin, knowing that he could never experience that sensation again.

Probably their most memorable argument was the one in which Ste found out about Doug's feelings for him. Ste had just started dating this guy he had met online, Adam, and they had been on several dates. Doug was getting increasingly jealous, though Ste was oblivious to it at that point. Then one afternoon Doug snapped:

"It's like Adam is all that you care about anymore and you hardly even know him. And you obviously don't care about me because you don't show me the slightest bit of consideration- we're meant to be in this together. Do you know what? I consider you all the time. You're the first person I think about in the morning and the last person I think about at night, and when I check my phone it's to see if you've texted."

At the time Ste had thought that Doug was overreacting. He was probably tired because they had been working long days for the last week, but even that didn't excuse the fact that Doug accused him of not caring about their partnership. He felt slightly uncomfortable: perhaps he had been neglecting him slightly, but he still cared. Then Doug pushed it:

"Well I'm sorry Ste but I don't want you spending all your time with Adam-"

Ste lost it, "So we should just spend twenty-four hours a day together then, should we?" he snapped, sarcastically. He was so irritated at this point, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to hear Doug's response.

"Yes" Doug exclaimed instantly, "He doesn't love you!"

Ste was seriously pissed off, so he replied contemptuously, "oh right, and you do, do you?"

Doug did not respond. Ste was confused, then astounded…Wait, what? Doug was straight, how could he be in love with him? Doug shot him a small look, a scared look, then exited silently.

Ste sighed at that memory, wishing he could turn back time, back to that moment and change his own reaction. What would he have done? Maybe kissed him, or told him that he felt the same, because he did, he was just in shock as he didn't expect Doug to feel that way. Then again, in terms of their relationship- apart from the ending- he wouldn't have changed any of it for the world.

As if on cue, the door opened slowly and a handsome young man with brunette hair and dark stubble entered cautiously. Ste didn't recognise him immediately but after a few moments it dawned on him who it was, he was just thinking about the argument that he had with Doug about him.

"Adam?" Ste said, surprised

"Hey" Adam replied, smiling slightly, "good to see the business is…" he looked around at the near-empty shop, "still going"

"Yeah, you don't have to be polite about it. I'm barely making enough to get by, that's if I'm doing my maths right, which I highly doubt" he scoffed.

"I thought Doug takes care of the numbers and you… wait, what do you do?"

Ste chuckled, remembering their first date, then shook his head

"Doug's not here anymore" he said, Adam looked surprised

"Really? He always seemed so psyched about this place"

"He was, he loved this place, but ummm" he paused, biting his lip. Adam raised his eyebrows, expectantly

"It's a long story"

"Oh, so he's just left you here on your own?" Adam replied, then added sarcastically, "nice"

"Exactly" he responded bitterly, then smiled at Adam, "so, what can I get you?"

"Well now that you told me about Doug, I was wondering if you wanted any help. I'm pretty good with numbers and I think I'd look good in that apron" he said, pointing to the apron hanging up, the one that used to belong to Doug.

Ste looked at it worriedly, then turned back to Adam, "so you came here for a job?"

"Kind of. I lost my job recently and I couldn't afford the rent. I've just come here looking for a place to live, or at least to sleep, and a job. I guess it was just coincidence that you're short staffed"

Ste smiled slightly, "well, yeah, it would be good to have someone else work here, not promising anything in terms of customers but if you can put up with hours of quiet…"

Adam's eyes widened, "you mean frequent breaks? Oh, can you imagine anything worse?" he cried, in mock horror

Ste laughed, then held out his hand

"Well then, welcome aboard"

They shook hands.

_Thanks for reading! I've written the next chapter but I'll probably upload it next week sometime. Please rate and review- I'd appreciate any feedback: positive or negative (though if it's the latter please go easy on me!)._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next day Adam turned the corner at the same time that Ste came down the stairs from his home. Their eyes met and they grinned at each other. They met at the door and Ste took out his key

"So you found somewhere to sleep then?"

"For now, yeah. I'm staying at a motel around the corner"

Ste held the door open for Adam, who nodded his head in thanks as he entered

"Well I'd let you stay at mine but it's pretty packed"

"Wait, didn't you used to live in a flat?"

"Yeah, long story"

"That's your response to everything now, is it? Don't people usually say that even if it's a short story but they don't want to talk about it?"

"Exactly. I don't want to talk about it" Ste said shortly, then looked away, ashamed. Adam caught on and nodded

"So, what's first boss?"

"Apron on, then washing hands" Ste said, tying his apron around himself, then disappeared into the kitchen. Adam took the apron down off the peg and tied it up. Ste exited the kitchen as Adam was about to enter and Ste froze, staring at him.

"What?" Adam asked, looking down at himself.

"Nothing" Ste looked away awkwardly and let Adam pass.

Adam entered the kitchen, confused. He noticed the large black and white photograph of Ste and Doug on the wall. He had seen it once and at the time had thought about what a good couple they made, even now he thought the same thing. Adam washed his hands as he thought of a way to word the question he wanted to ask Ste.

When he walked out Ste was setting out some of the food. Adam took a deep breath

"Did you and Doug break up? Is that why he's not around anymore?"

Ste looked at him, shocked

"What? Wait, why do you assume that we ever got together?"

"Because as I recall when we broke up I basically told you to go and get him"

"Well you didn't say those exact words"

"Well it was close enough. I think I said that there was something going on between you two and that you couldn't get him out of your head"

"It's a long-"

"Story? I guessed. What happened to you? You used to be all upfront. What changed?"

Ste knew exactly what had changed in the last year and a half: Amy leaving, Brendan going to prison, helping his mum to die, Doug's death, finding his dad after over 20 years. All of those things had changed him but Ste just looked down and shook his head.

"You want upfront?" Ste looked up, catching Adam off-guard

He strode over to him and ripped off his apron. Adam jumped back.

"What? Am I fired already?"

Ste held up the apron

"No. We're just going to get you another one"

Adam looked completely confused. Ste paused

"This is Doug's"

Adam scoffed

"So, he's coming back?"

Ste clenched his fist and lifted the apron to his face. He inhaled it then looked at Adam

"This was Doug's. He's dead. And my apartment, it got blown up, which is what killed him. Does that answer your questions?"

Adam brought two cups of tea over to Ste who was sitting on the sofa, still holding on to Doug's apron. Adam sat down next to him and faced him. Ste glanced up at him and smiled briefly.

"Ta"

Adam smiled and nodded.

"You must miss him"

"Yeah. Course. I mean, I miss everyone that I've lost. It sometimes feels like this place is the only stable thing in my life, the thing I'll never lose. So many great memories in here"

"And the apron?" Adam prompted, pointing to it

Ste blushed

"It reminds me of him, it's comforting. He left his half of the Deli to me so it's like I'm completely alone. But with his apron there it feels like he's still here"

"Yeah, but being very quiet and still" Adam joked.

"Better than the way he was before" Ste responded, "at least I don't have to hear that bleedin' American drawl anymore!"

Adam laughed. The ice was broken. Ste looked at him

"We should probably get back to work"

Adam nodded and saluted

"Yes sir!"

_Thanks for reading! Thanks for reading! I've written the next chapter but I'll probably upload it next week sometime. Please rate and review._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Three hours. Three hours Ste and Adam stood waiting for customers. Ste sighed as he looked at his watch. Adam glanced at him.

"Is it usually like this?"

"You know, sometimes we have good days, sometimes we have bad days"

"And how many bad days have you had recently?"

"Pretty much all of them" he sighed again and rested his elbows on the counter. He put his chin into his hands, "you know, when we first started out, business was buzzing. Now people walk past this place like it doesn't even exist"

Adam nodded, "maybe at first the Deli was appealing because it was different and new. Now the novelty's worn off. That's natural after such a long time"

"It's not even been two years" cried Ste

"You need to do something to bring the novelty back"

Ste shook his head, "if you say 'revamp the menu' then I'm gonna scream"

Adam smiled cheekily, "re-vamp the menu?"

Ste looked at him and rolled his eyes, "don't even go there. The number of times I've done that… I don't have enough fingers to count them"

"Well we need to think of something to catch people's attention". Adam paused and looked at Ste quizzically.

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

Ste pointed to the kitchen and Adam grinned.

John Paul was standing opposite the Deli, deliberating whether to go in or not. On the one hand he wanted to see Ste- they had become surprisingly good friends despite their history and now found him easy to talk to- and could see that the Deli was empty. On the other hand, he saw another guy in there- he assumed it was a new member of staff, or just a very friendly customer who had been in there for hours. Not that John Paul had been standing outside watching through the window for hours or anything…

In the end he decided to go in. What the heck 'ey?

The Deli was considerably warmer than outside obviously, particularly for John Paul, who had 'not' been standing outside for hours. He rubbed his hands together, smiled at Ste and approached the counter. Ste perked up as soon as John Paul entered- not only was it good that someone finally came in, but that it was his new found acquaintance.

"Hey, what can I get you?"

"Could I get a smoked ham and cheddar Panini and a decaf coffee thanks?"

"Sure. To stay or to go?"

"To be or not to be?" John Paul replied jokingly, then noticed Ste's puzzled expression, "forget it. Uh" he looked around, "I'll save you the misery of standing here on your lonesome and stay"

Ste smiled

"Good choice. Though I'm not really on my own anymore" he pointed to Adam, who had his back to them in the kitchen. He sensed that he was being talked about and turned around to face them.

"Hey" he said, exiting the kitchen and extending his hand, "I'm Adam"

"John Paul" he replied, shaking his hand.

Ste hoped - he really hoped - that he didn't just see chemistry between the two young men in front of him, still staring at each other. Not that he was jealous or anything, he still wasn't quite over Doug yet, and there would be nothing wrong with John Paul and Adam getting together: they were both single, well so was Ste, which meant that they could all… Ste shook his head to get rid of that image. It probably wasn't a good idea to think about 'riding the tricycle' with his ex and his dead husband's ex. Ste cleared his throat.

"Adam, could you make a decaf coffee for John Paul? Thanks"

"Sure" Adam replied, flashing his best smile at John Paul and turning to the coffee machine. John Paul's eyes lingered on Adam's backside for a moment and Ste felt a sense of déjà vu. He went over to the counter and started making John Paul's sandwich, cheeks burning.

"So, how long have you known Adam?" John Paul asked Ste, who was cleaning the table. Adam had gone to Drive 'n' Buy to get some more milk and butter. Ste screwed up his face in the effort to remember how long ago he met him.

"A good year and a half" Ste responded, shrugging

"Wow, that long? You've never mentioned him before"

"Well I only knew him for about a week before…" Ste broke off

"Before what?" John Paul prompted

Ste sighed, "Well basically before I found out that Doug fancied me, he helped me set up a dating profile" he saw John Paul snigger, "I know, hilarious" he responded, sarcastically, "Anyway, that's how I met Adam. We went on a few dates but then Doug revealed that he had feelings for me which kind of confused me and messed up my relationship with Adam. Adam caught on and broke up with me. That was the last time I saw him until the other day"

"So, is he single?"

"I dunno, it's none of my business" Ste responded shakily

"Ste? You alright? Don't worry, he's your guy so-"

"- no. He ain't my guy, not anymore"

He didn't really have a guy anymore. He once had Noah, Brendan, Adam then Doug. Now, no-one. That was probably for the best, Ste thought, I need a break from guys, figure out what I want.

Or so he thought…

_Thanks for reading! I have an idea of where I want this story to go, but I'm not quite sure whether it will work or not, so if anyone has any ideas for a plot, I'll happily hear (well, read) your thoughts. Please rate and review._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The following morning Ste arrived about half an hour before Adam so that he could check that they had everything that they needed. Luckily Adam took care of that the previous day when he went to Drive 'n' Buy and pretty much bought the entire shop despite only needing milk and butter. Suddenly Ste heard the door fly open and he saw Adam standing in the doorway grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat; Ste noted that he was still holding the notebook from the previous day.

"I've got it" he said, triumphantly

Ste smirked "I know you've got it" he stated, "You took it with you"

Adam looked completely lost, Ste chuckled and took the notebook from Adam's grasp, waving it in front of his face.

"I've got an idea for this place to hopefully get more customers"

"What?" Ste was intrigued. The notebook was empty albeit a few sums scribbled down on a couple of pages. Ste's heart skipped a beat when he recognised Doug's handwriting.

"America!" Adam announced

"Yeah, America. Great place, except you need Geography lessons 'cause we're in England" Ste pointed out, sarcastically. Adam sighed and rolled his eyes

"I meant, this is supposed to be an American styled Deli, and no offence but you failed… epically. So, why don't we spruce this place up and make it really American. You know, American flags hanging up, speaking to customers in American accents, serving all of its famous cuisine-"

"- What, like burgers and fries?" Ste interrupted, saying 'fries' in a peculiar accent that sounded vaguely American.

"Well not exactly, though that is a good idea. We should do some research and figure out what exactly we should do"

"So you're saying that we're gonna have to talk to customers in an American accent for, like, ever?"

"No, what about an American week? Enough time for people to take notice of it, but not so long that the novelty of it wears off" then, noticing Ste's irritated expression Adam added, "or that you kill yourself"

Ste still looked unsure. Adam shot him a look that reminded Ste of a wounded puppy and his heart melted a bit. Adam hesitated, not knowing how Ste was going to react to his plea:

"Please? For Doug"

Ste froze momentarily, then nodded

"For Doug" he agreed.

xxx

Business was in full swing. The American week was a success and Ste had Adam to thank for that. Customers were responding well to the new idea, though not a lot had changed. Yeah, they had painted stars and stripes over the door, which Ste realised was going to be a pain in the butt to clean off, and had hung up a few American flags inside. They had changed their menu slightly as well: they agreed to serve burgers (and Ste had improved considerably at cooking them from his previous half bunt- half raw burgers he had made about two years earlier. Then again, Ste blamed the barbeque for that) as well as macaroni and cheese, apple pie, fried chicken, hot dogs and meat loaf (though until he researched it thoroughly Ste honestly thought it was just a lump of old meat). They were also speaking with American accents- well, Adam was- Ste mustered up what appeared to be an American accent, though it sounded a bit Spanish and Irish, with a hint of his own accent around the edges. You had to hear it to believe it.

Towards the end of the first day, Ste's half-sisters Leela and Tegan entered.

"Howdy" Ste greeted in his odd accent. They immediately burst out laughing hysterically. Leela made a sound similar to a pig and Tegan wiped her streaming eyes.

"Uh… hey" Tegan exhaled, holding her sides. She glanced at the menu, "We'll have a hotdog and a cheeseburger thanks bro"

Ste cleared his throat before speaking in his accent, "To stay or to-"

He didn't even get to finish his question when the girls began spluttering with laughter again. Adam came up behind him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder

"I'll take this" he murmured in his usual accent, then switched on his flawless American twang, "Are you guys stayin' or goin'?"

"Now that's more like it!" Leela whooped, then grinned at Adam, "We'll have it to go, thanks"

"No problem" he said, then winked at them. Leela fanned herself with one hand and she and Tegan stood back away from the counter as the boys prepared their food.

xxx

"So, do you reckon he's taken?" Leela asked Tegan whilst watching Adam and Ste pass each other. She received a harsh nudge to the ribs and exclaimed in pain

"Gross! That's our half-brother you're talking about!" Tegan hissed, jokingly. Leela made a face.

"I meant mister tall-dark-and-handsome over there" Leela pointed out

"Dunno, why don't you ask?"

"Why not?' Leela shrugged and approached the counter. Ste noticed her

"What's up?" he murmured in his usual accent, Leela gasped comically

"Ste! I thought you were an American. I mean, your accent was so… **good**" she said, fighting back giggles. Ste glared at her

"What do you want?" Ste hissed, "Did you just come here to embarrass me?"

"Nah, but that was a bonus! Well Tegan and I wanted to check this place out and see how you were doing-"

"I meant right now" Ste interrupted

Leela grinned, "I was just wondering if Adam was seeing anyone"

This time it was Ste who had to fight back laughter

"What?" she asked, slightly offended. Ste shook his head, biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from grinning

"Nuffin'" he responded, shrugging

"So, do you know if he's got a girlfriend?"

"Nope. No girlfriend" Ste responded immediately. It wasn't a lie, was it? Adam probably hadn't had a girlfriend for a long time. Leela beamed

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

Ste still had the notebook and pen with some of the ideas that he and Adam had jotted down earlier on it. Leela scribbled down her name and mobile number, folded up the piece of paper and put it on the counter

"Make sure you pass it on to him"

"Oh I will" Ste grinned.

Once Leela and Tegan had left, Ste felt someone approach him

"You're terrible" he heard Adam scoff. Ste blushed

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Pretty much all of it, I was standing by the door!" he laughed, "You're such a horrible brother, you know that?"

Ste shrugged, "What's wrong with a little revenge amongst siblings?"

"Just because they laughed- and rightly so- at your awful American accent!" Adam argued

Ste looked downcast, "was it really that bad?"

Adam shrugged, "take it as a complement that I actually called it an 'American' accent because, frankly, it barely passed"

Ste nudged him playfully, then picked up the folded piece of paper and held it in front of Adam's eyes

"Well if you'd like to take my sister out on a date…?"

"Depends" began Adam, raising his eyebrows, "I wouldn't want to make things awkward between you two. You know, if you're the jealous type"

Ste held his gaze and bit his lip. He knew this was a bad idea, but he leaned in nonetheless…

_Thanks for reading! I've written the next chapter (which I will upload next week sometime) and I have an idea of where I want this story to go, but I'm not quite sure whether it will work or not (at the moment I'm just improvising until I get inspired), so if anyone has any ideas for a plot, I'll happily hear (well, read) your thoughts. Please rate and review._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ste gazed into Adam's endearing, grey eyes and slowly leaned towards him. They were inches apart when the door swung open and they jumped away from each other as if they had just given each other an electric shock. John Paul entered and waved hesitantly at them. Then, sensing that something was not quite right, he asked:

"What's going on?"

"What?" Ste exclaimed, the pitch of his voice rocketing. 'Well done Stephen, subtle', he mentally cursed himself. He cleared his throat and lowered the pitch of his voice to compensate for previously sounding like an eight year old girl on helium, "Nothing"

"Ok" John Paul replied, disbelievingly, "So, **your** accent is only audible for dogs" he joked to Ste, who rolled his eyes. He looked at Adam

"What about yours?"

Adam cleared his throat, "Hi. Welcome to Carter and Hay, how may I help you?" he recited in a perfect American accent. John Paul looked impressed

"Wow, it's like Doug's right in the room with us"

Doug. Ste mentally kicked himself. He did this whole American week for his husband who died only a few months ago. It was barely cold in his grave and he was about to kiss (and possibly more) his co-worker. His co-worker who he dated before he got together with said dead husband. Ste felt like a complete idiot. He awkwardly excused himself and headed into the kitchen where he wanted to bang his head against the fridge, or the wall, or that huge chopping knife- now that looked interesting...Ste settled for face-palming himself instead. After all, any of those other objects would attract the attention of the two men standing only metres away. The men who were probably smiling and flirting and playing with their hair whilst giggling. Well, that's how Ste pictured it anyway.

Adam entered the kitchen, sheepishly

"Hey. John Paul wanted a slice of apple pie" Adam took the giant knife and Ste felt slightly upset about it. Adam turned to face him

"Look, I'm sorry about that… moment. It won't happen again, I promise"

Ste resisted the urge to take the knife out of Adam's hand and… well, you can imagine. Instead he just smiled and nodded. Adam left and Ste groaned. '"It won't happen again"' he had said, but Ste wanted it to happen. Again and again and again.

From the kitchen Ste watched Adam and John Paul laughing and flirting. He wasn't quite sure how he felt or what he wanted. His head was a mess and he kept thinking about that huge chopping knife. Before he could act on the idea he managed to excuse himself from the deli and sprint back to his home in the hope of getting some sleep and clearing his head.

Little did he know that he wouldn't get much sleep…

xxx

"Ste? Wake up sweetie" Ste stirred and grumbled. Who the hell was calling him 'sweetie'? He must have just imagined it. Ste rolled over and collided with something, or someone. They were quite plump and smelled of alcohol. Ste shot up in bed.

"Mum?"

_OMG! Yes, I am so going there. I apologise for such a short chapter. Like I said, I'm improvising until I get some ideas. The next chapter will be up in the next couple of days to make up for the lack of substance in this one. Please review!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Mum?"

"Hiya love" she replied, grinning and waving

"Mum? But you're…"

"Yeah, dead as a doornail"

"Exactly. What are you doin' here?"

"I've come to haunt ya" she said, like a ghost. She chuckled, "Nah. I'm 'ere to thank ya"

"For what?"

"For ending the suffering, the pain, the misery" Pauline replied, sombrely

"Oh yeah, 'cause **she** got to go **without **the suffering and the pain and the misery" a strong American accent broke in

"Doug?" Ste swallowed, shakily, "you're here"

"No! You don't say" Pauline exclaimed sarcastically

"I've missed you" Ste said to Doug, completely ignoring his mum

"I've missed you too" Doug responded

"I never got the chance to tell you how sorry I am. You didn't deserve to die, I am so sorry Doug-"

"Don't apologise Ste" Doug interrupted, placing a finger to Ste's lips, similarly to how Ste used to interrupt him, "It all worked out for the best, right?" he said, removing his finger

"How d'ye mean?"

"Danny. I wondered if he was ever going to get the guts to tell you the truth. Now you've got the family that you always wanted, what you've always deserved"

"Why couldn't he have told me earlier? Then we wouldn't have decided to leave, so we wouldn't have had that party and you wouldn't have died, then we could have all been a family together-"

"What is it they say? 'Everything happens for a reason'"

"Ain't that the truth" agreed a familiar Irish voice

"Brendan" Ste said, shocked

"Of course" sighed Doug, "even in death I couldn't get away from mister moustache over here"

"Douglas" Brendan acknowledged, "Pleasure to see you, as always". He looked down at Doug's clothes; he was wearing the same outfit that he wore when he had died, and still had all of the cuts and bruises. Brendan sniffed, "you're pretty dirty there, Douglas"

"Yeah, you can talk" Doug responded, under his breath.

"What was that, Douglas?" Brendan enquired, cupping his ear in his hand

"Nothing. How's prison, Brendan?'" Doug asked

"Well I'm guessing it's better than death"

"Yeah, well I think I'd prefer to be dead then spend the rest of my life behind bars" Doug quipped

"Well that worked out pretty well for you then, didn't it Douglas?" Brendan retorted, patting Doug on the head. He turned to Ste and looked serious, "Stephen, I know how badly I treated you over the years. I didn't deserve someone like you, I still don't. But I'm in love with you and I always will be"

Ste wasn't quite sure what to say. His ex was telling him that he loved him in front of his husband. How do you even respond to that?

"Awkward" Pauline chanted. Yep, took the words right out of his mouth.

xxx

"So, what do I do now?" Ste asked, breaking the awkward silence, "my dead mum, my dead husband and my imprisoned ex have all come back. I mean, there must be a reason"

"Well when I was visited by a ghost it inspired me to move on, you know, from Becks. And obviously it worked" Doug said, gesturing to Ste

"So, I have to move on from you and Brendan?" Ste clarified

"I guess" Doug said, shrugging

"So what was the point of mum coming here?"

"Well I don't know!" Pauline exclaimed, "We're all just figures of your subconscious which means that you wanted us to be here"

"The lady's got a point" Brendan agreed

"But how do I do that?" Ste cried, "In the last year I've lost the three most important people in my life. Ok, in mum's case I guess 'important' isn't really the right word, but you get my drift" Ste sighed, "How can I ever move on from that?"

"Well there's that old saying 'time heals a broken heart'" Doug suggested, "there's no real answer to how to move on. Some things you never really move on from. Namely, Brendan Brady" he said, pointing to Brendan, who looked around, surprised

"Who, me?" he asked, in mock disbelief. Then he looked serious, "Stephen, one day you will be ready, there's no way to predict, you'll just know"

"So I guess we're here to give you closure, to let you move on" Pauline added

"Well thanks, I guess" Ste said, uncertainly, then he thought to himself, "actually, yeah. Thanks. I think I needed to see you all one more time in order to fully accept that this is the way that things are. I have to move on with my life"

The three people in front of Ste nodded and smiled at him and each other. Ste smiled proudly when Doug and Brendan shook hands.

"I miss you all so much, every day. I've been in so much pain this last year, but this is where it ends. I'm gonna-"

He realised that the three figures had disappeared.

"…live my life. Nothing's gonna hold me back anymore".

He felt tears welling up  
"Goodbye" he whispered, before wiping the tears away.

xxx

Ste set off for work briskly. Today was the day that things were going to change. He was going to make things work with Adam, and nothing was going to stop him. Well, he was right, there was nothing in particular stopping him, but there was a person.

Just as Ste was about to open the door he saw two people standing in the Deli in a passionate kiss: John Paul and Adam. He realised that he was too late.

_Oh no I didn't! Yeah, I did. Sorry, just adding some more angst, though I made it pretty obvious that it was going to happen. Please review, and again, if anyone has any ideas, I'm practically begging!_


	7. Chapter 7

_I have to apologise. These next few chapters aren't the best things I've ever written. I've __**tried **__to be clever- as you'll soon discover- but it hasn't worked out the way that I had hoped. Thanks again for taking the time to read this story. Please review!_

**Chapter 8**

**__****_Just as Ste was about to open the door he saw two people standing in the Deli in a passionate kiss: John Paul and Adam._**  


_____*Adam's POV*_

I'm not quite sure how I ended up here. Actually, I am, but it's a long story. It all started a year and a half earlier. I had gotten a job working in an office; obviously I had an IT degree from university which landed me this job. Anyway, I was an assistant to the head of accounts- 'Dean' his mates called him, and so did I. Dean was a cool guy: he invited me out to parties, hung out with me during lunch and after work. Soon enough I was falling for him, though I didn't know if he was single, let alone whether or not he played for my team.

However, after a few months Dean's mood changed. He was working later and later, and it got to the point where I would come into work and there would be nothing for me to do. In the end I got really aggravated so I decided to confront him about it:

"What's going on?" I demanded, after slamming the door to his office. He looked up at me blankly, so I continued, "why won't you let me do any work?"

He responded by bursting into laughter

"Did you seriously just ask me that?" he cried, "you're upset because I'm not giving you enough to do?" his tone changed, there were no signs of laughter anymore, "Because you're not the one working overtime to avoid going home and facing the one person who usually knows you inside out, but now doesn't get you at all"

"Your girlfriend?" I asked, he shook his head, "Wife? Fiancé?" again, he shook his head. I suddenly realised, "Boyfriend" I suggested. He looked at me uncomfortably and I sighed happily, having finally had my suspicions confirmed.

"What?" he asked, noticing my expression

"Nothing" I replied, hastily, but he wasn't letting it go. He stood up and walked over to me

"That wasn't nothing! Why were you grinning? 'Cause I've got a boyfriend? 'Cause I'm…" he paused. He was avoiding the 'g' word, the same way that I was avoiding the 'l' word. It was getting more and more difficult for me to resist this guy, especially with his brown, piercing eyes looking straight into mine with his intense stare. I couldn't take it anymore: I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. I felt him reciprocate for a few moments, but then he pushed me away violently.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed, disgusted. He turned to pick up his papers, "I'm not…" again, he was avoiding using the 'g' word. I just stared at him, dumbfounded

"How? How can you be in a relationship with a guy, kiss me back and still not admit that you're gay?" I cried

"I just can't" he replied, shortly, then picked up his stuff and left, not looking at me nor uttering another word.

Things were awkward after that to say the least. His mood got worse and worse, he barely spoke to me. By the autumn of 2013 (nearly a year after our 'encounter') I had decided that enough was enough, so one evening I barged into his office.

"I'm done" I announced. He didn't even look up from his computer.

"Ok, just e-mail me the stuff and I'll get it sorted" he responded

"No, I meant 'I'm done with this job, with you'"

He looked at me, confused, so I explained:

"The way you've been treating me is totally unprofessional" I began, "Yeah, I know that I overstepped the boundaries but that doesn't excuse the way you've been acting **for last 11 months**"

He said nothing but just looked away, uncomfortably.

"So, I'm done" I finished, then turned to leave

"Don't" he began, standing up, "I'm sorry. I've just been having a hard time lately" he paused, then screwed up his face, trying not to cry, "he left me" he whispered

"Who? Your partner?"

He nodded

"About a year ago"

"A year?!" I exclaimed, astounded, "and you're still grieving?"

"He was the love of my life. Now he's gone. I don't know what to do anymore"

"Wait, does this have anything to do with… you know?" I asked, referring to the kiss we shared about a year earlier. He shrugged

"He doesn't know if that's what you mean" he told me, "after it happened I was disgusted with myself. Not only had I cheated, but with another guy, which meant that I was…" he was avoiding the 'g' word again

"Why do you have so much trouble admitting it?" I asked

He shrugged, "I dunno, I guess I'm homophobic, it's just the way I am. I've always had girlfriends until my ex came along. I just assumed that he was the only guy I would ever have feelings for, but then what happened between **us**… I'm not so sure anymore"

I nodded, "I get it, kind of. I'm sorry about you and your ex"

"I'm sorry that I've pushed you to having to quit"

I shook my head, "you know what? My contract expires at the end of the year, so I'll stay on until then and look for a new job in the meantime, and you can look for a replacement"

He smiled, "thanks"

"On one condition" I began, "that you treat me with respect. I get that you've had loads of stuff going on, but you shouldn't bring your personal life into work"

He nodded, "yep. I've been in this job long enough to know that"

I grinned and turned to the door

"Adam?" I turned around, he smiled softly, "thanks again"

I returned his smile before heading out.

So I spent the next couple of months searching for a new job that I was qualified for. But none of the jobs available appealed to me, so I decided to look for something completely different. Until one day when I came across an advert for a dating website. It reminded me of when I had applied to one about two years earlier. I thought about the guy that I had met - Ste- and wondered what he was up to these days: whether he was still working in the Deli, whether he and his business partner - Doug - had got together, or even if he happened to be single. Nostalgia made me decide to return to Hollyoaks. After all, there was no harm in catching up with an old friend, was there? If only I knew…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_**Just as Ste was about to open the door he saw two people standing in the Deli in a passionate kiss: John Paul and Adam.**_

_*John Paul's POV*_

How did I end up here? Well to answer that I have to go back several hours. Walking past the Deli I noticed the American theme and planned to visit after work. Once the school day was over I headed in to check the place out. I walked in on what seemed to be an intimate moment between Ste and Adam. I didn't mean to interrupt, it was just unfortunate timing I guess. Ste left shortly after that, so it was just me and Adam alone in the Deli. He brought over a slice of apple pie and an espresso.

"So, how long have you known Ste?" he asked me

"Years" I replied, "but we only became mates recently"

"How come?"

"Well when I first met him he wasn't exactly the nicest guy on earth. I don't know how well you know him, so I'm not gonna badmouth him, but he got himself- and other people, including members of my family- into trouble. Then a few weeks ago we realised that we actually had more in common than we first thought"

"You mean aside from liking blokes?" Adam joked

"And sharing blokes" I responded, to which Adam looked confused

"Yeah, I may have slept with his ex- boyfriend and ex- husband" I said, guiltily, avoiding mentioning his dad as well. Adam's eyes widened so much I thought his eyeballs would pop out of their sockets.

"Wow" Adam breathed, then looked confused, "You were with Doug?" he queried

I nodded, "I convinced myself that I was in love with him. Obviously that wasn't reciprocated"

Adam nodded in understanding.

"He was still in love with Ste" I explained, "And I get how hard it is when you have such a history with someone, letting them go is the hardest thing in the world"

"You sound like an expert" Adam said, jokingly

"Well it took me ages to get over my ex, Craig" I admitted. Adam's eyes widened slightly, though I didn't know why

"Craig what?" Adam prompted, casually

"Dean" I responded, slightly confused, "why?"

Adam shook his head, "no reason. So… why did you guys break up?" he asked, uncomfortably

So I explained the whole situation: right from the affair Craig and I had in 2007, briefly mentioning my ex fiancé, Kieron, before explaining that Craig was a closet-case and always will be, and the fact that I decided that a baby would fix our problems, but instead just made things worse. By the end, not only had I been talking for hours, but Adam had gone as white as a ghost.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried, and then realised, "too much information, right?"

Adam sighed heavily and shook his head, chuckling

"It's alright" I reassured him, "I am over him now, I guess it just wasn't meant to be"

Adam still looked uncomfortable so I laid a comforting hand on his leg- a bit too high I soon realised. Our eyes met and I instinctively leaned in. Our lips touched for a split second before he shot up off of the couch and stepped away.

"I'm sorry" I sighed, standing to face him, "I'm so stupid, always seeing a green light, jumping to con-" I didn't get to finish my sentence when his lips crashed into mine…

_*Ste's POV*_

It felt like a kick in the nuts. It really did. Seeing one of your mates and the bloke that you fancy locking lips in your own Deli isn't exactly the greatest situation in the world. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for having to face them, then slowly entered. The men broke apart as soon as the door opened but I didn't look at either of them.

"Mornin'" I murmured, heading straight for the kitchen. I heard some mumbles before the door shut and I realised that John Paul had left. Adam came up to the window of the kitchen, guiltily.

"Look, Ste, that wasn't what it looked like" he began, earnestly. I looked up at him and tilted my head to the left slightly whilst narrowing my eyes at him.

"So you **weren't** making out?" I enquired. Adam looked away, "so it was what it looked like" I stated

"It was an accident-"

"How do you **accidentally** kiss someone?" I asked, "Were you covered in glue and fell face first into each other or something?"

Adam shook his head, "It's not what you think. I don't want to be with John Paul"

"Well actions speak louder than words, mate" I argued

"I don't!" he cried obstinately, then sighed, "I couldn't even if I wanted to"

"What does that mean?"

Adam looked at me straight in the eyes, "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell John Paul. I know you're mates so I don't want to make things difficult"

"What's going on?"

"It was me. I'm the reason that John Paul and Craig broke up"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"What are you talking about?" Ste asked, "You don't even know Craig, and you've only just met John Paul"

Adam shook his head, "I do know Craig. After I finished my degree I got a job in an office in Dublin. I was Craig's assistant" he took a deep breath, "One day, near the end of 2012 I kissed him and he kissed me back, then he freaked out. That's when I found out he was in a relationship, though he didn't mention any names. Apparently Craig's behaviour started to change, and he and John Paul broke up" Adam glanced at Ste, who looked confused.

"When John Paul told me about his ex, I realised it was Craig. I felt so guilty"

"So you made out with him?" Ste finished, "that's not the best reason to kiss someone, you know"

"Come on" Adam argued, "there must have been times in your relationship with Doug where you kissed out of guilt"

Ste thought, then nodded regretfully, "actually, there were quite a few. Like just after we got engaged Doug teamed up with one of Brendan's worst enemies, whilst I was defending him. We didn't realise we were plotting against each other, but we both felt guilty"

Adam nodded, not wanting to say 'I told you so'.

"And after we got back together I felt guilty" Ste continued, "guilty for leaving it so long to be with him" he paused, then shook his head, "but they were all out of love. Yeah, some of the times I felt guilty but that wasn't the only reason that I kissed him. The best reason is out of love. **That**, or to shut them up" he chuckled, remembering his first kiss with Doug. His face turned grave and he looked at Adam, "the point is, guilt is not a good reason to kiss someone, you kiss someone because you wanna"

Adam nodded and his eyes flickered to Ste's lips. Before Ste realised what was happening he felt Adam's lips on his. He backed away immediately.

"What are you doing?" Ste exclaimed, "I just walked in on you playing tonsil tennis with John Paul not ten minutes ago!"

Adam shook his head, "I told you, I don't want to be with John Paul"

"You said you **couldn't**, after what happened with Craig"

"No, I don't want to" he sighed, "I tried to convince myself that I just wanted to catch up with you, but the truth is that I was secretly hoping you were single. I came back for you. I want to be with you"

Ste just gaped at him. The guy that he wanted to be with just admitted that he wanted to be with him too. Ste didn't know whether or not it was appropriate to jump for joy at this moment. He realised what he had to do

"Look Adam, before anything happens, you need to tell John Paul what you told me" Ste said. Adam shook his head

"I can't. He'll hate me"

"No, he won't" Ste argued, "You know it's the right thing to do"

xxx

"Hey" John Paul greeted, opening the door. Adam was slightly taken aback by the man standing in front of him; he was wearing a tight back t-shirt, skinny jeans and a breathtaking smile. Adam was momentarily distracted, then remembered the purpose of coming over.

"Hey" Adam replied eventually, regaining his composure, "can I come in?"

"Sure" John Paul responded, opening the door wider and stepping aside. Adam smiled as he entered, feeling guiltier by the second

"So" John Paul began, "Are you here to pick up where we left off?" he asked, flirtatiously. Adam looked away

"No, I need to talk to you"

John Paul looked surprised, then worried, "what's up?"

Adam took a deep breath, "There's something I have to tell you", he glanced at John Paul, "it's about Craig".

_I apologise for the short chapter and for the fact that it was quite stilted in terms of the dialogue but I was trying to move the story along. Please review!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Wow" John Paul breathed, breaking the silence that had felt like eternity

"I am so sorry John Paul" Adam apologised earnestly, "I had no idea about you and Craig. I shouldn't have kissed you. Heck, I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place!"

"It's ok" he reassured him, weakly, "you didn't know"

"If I could go back-" Adam began

"Don't" John Paul interrupted, "you don't have to make excuses" he looked at Adam, "I'm guessing that you told me this so you could be with Ste"

Adam was surprised- he hadn't even mentioned Ste. John Paul nodded

"I guessed there was something going on between you two"

Adam scoffed at the irony - about a year and a half earlier he had said something similar to Ste about Doug.

"Yeah" Adam admitted, "I told Ste everything, and he pushed me to tell you"

"Well I hope you two will be very happy together" John Paul said shakily, and smiled encouragingly, though Adam didn't buy it.

"Thanks" Adam said quickly, before getting up off the sofa and walking towards the door, "I'll see you around"

John Paul gave a brief wave before Adam exited, then he exhaled deeply, tears welling.

xxx

"So, how did it go?" Ste asked as Adam flopped onto the couch. Adam sighed

"Well he didn't yell or throw things, so it could have been worse"

"How did he react though?" Ste asked, placing himself down next to him

"He didn't say much. He was kind of startled, which I completely understand" Adam rubbed his hands together, "on a brighter note, he doesn't hate my guts and my conscience is clear, so why don't we celebrate?"

"What do you suggest?" Ste asked, raising his eyebrows and leaning in slightly

"Why don't we go on a date?" Adam responded

"Where?"

Adam thought to himself, "Meet me here at seven, ok?"

Ste was intrigued, "What have you got planned?"

"Just wait and see" Adam replied, before patting his leg and standing up, leaving Ste to look bemused.

xxx

Ste was surprised when he entered the Deli: there was one table in the centre and all of the surfaces were covered with candles. He saw Adam busy in the kitchen

"Wow" Ste exhaled. Adam noticed him

"Hey" he greeted, exiting the kitchen and gesturing around him, "What do you think?"

"It's amazing! But when you said to meet you here, I wasn't expecting to stay"

"Well what's the point in going somewhere fancy and expensive when we have our own Deli?" Adam argued

"Good point" Ste admitted

"Well sit down, get comfortable" Adam said, moving the chair out for Ste, who sat down. The oven beeped and Ste looked doubtful

"What?" Adam asked, noticing Ste's look

"Well I've heard about you Uni students and your cooking. Apparently all you can manage is beans on toast!"

Adam scoffed, "Oh really?" then pointed a finger at him, "Well I'm going to prove you wrong!"

As he went into the kitchen Ste grinned to himself: this was something he wouldn't mind being wrong about.

_I apologise again for the tiny chapter. The next one will (hopefully) be longer to make up for it. Please review!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Ste and Adam were sat opposite each other; Ste was playing with his spaghetti bolognaise, glancing up at Adam every now and again. Adam began to notice

"Is it that bad?" he asked

Ste looked up, confused, "what?"

"You don't like it, do you? I can make you beans on toast if you want"

"No, it's great. I was just thinking-"

"Did it hurt?" Adam interrupted, jokingly

"Ha, ha" Ste replied, sarcastically, then took a deep breath, "Well, we met on a dating website, right? But why did you even need to resort to online dating? I mean, Craig- the straightest gay guy in the world- couldn't resist you, so what's wrong with the rest of the male gay population?"

"I'm going to assume there's a compliment in the somewhere" Adam replied, raising an eyebrow, then paused, "the truth is, I was out of the dating game for a while"

"Why?"

"My last serious relationship scarred me" Adam said, looking away

"What do you mean?"

"He abused me" Adam replied

Ste was appalled, "Are you serious?"

Adam nodded, "His name was Ryan. I met him in a bar on New Year's Eve 2010; we kissed at midnight and the rest was History" he rolled his eyes, "Things were great for the first few months, but then the abuse started. The first time was kind of an accident. You know, play fighting that got out of hand, but he apologised and I forgave him. Then the second time we got into a massive argument and he punched me in the ribs; he managed to convince me that I deserved it, though deep down I knew that I didn't. Then he started taking advantage: I had a gay friend, Max, who was in my lectures, and Ryan stopped me from seeing him because he was jealous. Then he started manipulating me- made me do things that I didn't want to. He would threaten and control me"

"What happened?"

"I got away. Max made me realise that I was a victim and he supported me throughout, so I moved in with him to get away from Ryan. That's how I got through it I guess"

"What happened to Ryan?"

"He met someone else, and did the same thing to them. I should have reported it immediately; I mean no-one deserves to go through that. Not from someone who claims to love them"

Ste nodded, guiltily

"So Max helped you get back into dating?"

"Yeah" Adam nodded, "It took a long time, but I soon realised that I was falling in love with him. Eventually we got together- for about two minutes!"

"What happened?"

"His mum died early 2012. His parents lived in Australia, so he went there for her funeral and to support his dad. I never saw him again"

"That must have been awful"

"The thing is I don't think I actually loved him. I mean, I cared about him- I wasn't leading him on or anything, but I think I loved what he did for me. You know, helping me through the break-up and getting over the barrier that I set up around myself. I friended him on Facebook a while ago, and it turns out that he's married, so I guess it all worked out in the end"

Ste nodded

"You sound really similar to me. With Doug and Brendan"

Adam grinned, "oh yeah, I'm glad you mentioned Doug. When I went back onto the dating website I checked his profile out, just to see what it was like, and I couldn't help but laugh at his picture. I mean, that shirt was really ugly!"

Ste laughed

"Did Doug ever tell you how many hits he got?"

Ste shook his head, "No, I don't think he ever went back on it once we got together"

"Doug was still in the closet when you set up the profile, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well he got 21 hits. 20 of them were from guys, the other one was from a 50-year old woman"

Ste spluttered with laughter

"It's like they knew!" he laughed

xxx

All was quiet at the McQueen house, albeit the soft snores from baby Matthew. John Paul was awake though, staring at a photo on his mobile of him and Craig that was taken about 2 years earlier. He still remembered it as though it was yesterday:

"Three… two… one… HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

John Paul gazed at the firework lit sky and felt subdued that he was alone. Then he heard a voice gradually getting louder,

"Babe… babe!"

John Paul turned around and came face-to-face with his boyfriend, Craig. He handed him a glass of champagne

"Sorry, I was stuck in the crowd"

"Doesn't matter" John Paul replied, and they clinked glasses before taking a sip.

"Have you got your phone on you?"

"Yeah" John Paul said suspiciously, taking out his mobile from his pocket and handing it to Craig. Craig held the phone up so that the camera was facing them

"Our first photo of 2012" he said. They smiled as Craig took it.

John Paul returned the phone to his pocket, then felt one of Craig's hands grab one of his own.

"And our first kiss of 2012" Craig said, leaning in.

They kissed sensually. Even after being together for over 3 years John Paul still felt like pinching himself whenever Craig kissed him in public. He couldn't believe how far his boyfriend had come since the days where he could barely touch him if he thought someone was watching. Now they were practically making out in the middle of a bustling crowd. John Paul was disappointed when Craig broke the kiss, but felt satisfied when Craig wrapped his arms around John Paul's neck

"So, what's your New Year's resolution?" Craig asked

"I don't really see the point in them" John Paul replied, shrugging his shoulders

"Why not? It gives you something to strive for!" Craig argued

"I don't need to strive for anything. I've got everything I've ever wanted right here" John Paul said, giving him a chaste kiss.

"Awww" Craig responded, and then proceeded to make vomiting noises, jokingly.

"Well mine is to cut down on the booze" Craig said, proudly

John Paul scoffed, "Cheers. I pour my heart out trying to be romantic, and you completely ruin the moment!"

"Well isn't it a good thing that I want to cut down my alcohol intake?"

"I guess.** But** as much as I love you, I can guarantee that you're going to fail"

"Why's that?"

"Well for one thing, this is your third glass" John Paul pointed out, taking the champagne from Craig's hand and placing them both down on the nearby table; Craig followed him.

"Actually, technically it's my first one this year, and I only had a sip"

"Yeah, but knowing you, you're not going to be able to resist" John Paul replied

"Well there is one thing I won't ever be able to resist" Craig said, raising his eyebrows

"There we go; you're getting the hang of the whole romantic thing!" John Paul joked

Craig sighed, "Look, I know it's been a pretty difficult couple of months-"

"Let's just forget it" John Paul interrupted, "It's a new year, a new start"

Craig nodded, then wrapped his arms around John Paul's waist and kissed him slowly

"I reckon 2012 is going to be our best year yet"

Oh, the irony.


End file.
